How have I come to life model?

A jumble of things led me here. A long story but briefly: 

An artist friend asked me to pose as a life model pose and I initially thought “Nooo! I couldn't do that!” Then I realised this was an opportunity to challenge myself which reminded me of:

A strong visualisation during a Buddhist meditation retreat which urged me to enquire into my sexuality. I had shut the door on sex for five years and threw myself joyfully into Dharma practice (teachings of the Buddha). I didn't regret that time for a second but now was the time to cultivate a loving relationship with my body, to appreciate it for what it is and what it is not. To overcome feeling “unlovable” and forgive an absent father, to explore my sexuality unashamedly and pursue a loving committed relationship. After five years celibacy I was curious to explore, integrate and transform all views I held about my identity and my body. This simple friend's invitation to pose in the nude was going to be the start of a new and challenging phase in my life.

But where to start? I instinctively knew kindness and humour would be vital in my approach.

So I danced my Naked Truth.... once you decide to explore something then opportunities present themselves! Someone on a meditation app mentioned it and it suddenly awoke something in me. To dance naked in a sacred space with the inhibited, shy aspects of my psyche seemed a natural thing to do. We all have blockages that prevent us from seeing ourselves just as we truly are. Being naked seems to strip away all identity, all filters, all that unnecessary weight. The parts of me that wanted to hide, that needed to be nourished were coaxed out and released in a dance. Although my first time was in a roomful of naked men and women I danced privately with my ghosts and coaxed them out. Three dances later I am freer, lighter, less critical of my body and compare myself less to others.

What is that someone once said “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.”

Life modelling then seemed the most natural step. I never did model for my artist friend. Before long I'd signed up with an agency and now model regularly for artists, sculptors and photographers. I enjoy having a psyeudonym when I work as it playfully reminds me of the Buddhist teaching of no fixed unchanging self.

Nowadays as I pose, I meditate on my breath or cultivate loving kindness. Each occasion presents an opportunity to connect with my body, with others and care less about what people think of me or indeed what I think of myself. Afterall I do not ultimately know who I am so how can I worry about what others think of me? Meanwhile here I am in the present offering myself in a direct and authentic way. This. Is. Enough.

Increasingly I enjoy the creative process between myself and the class or artist, there is a delicious atmosphere that descends when conversation stops and focus arises. Due to my meditation practice I can sit very very still and I like to create a relaxed and inspiring atmosphere. Besides modelling, I work as a creative in the film and tv industry and enjoy the two worlds I inhabit. I find the creative process fascinating and have shared some interesting conversations with artists which nourish my mind.